


i really should be there (no i shouldn't) ( yes i should)

by ouroboric



Series: deathly emotional flowers [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, I Love You, Just angst, Kinda, M/M, Mild Language, Peer Pressure, end of series, enjoy folks ;), good guy jaehyun, im so so so sorry, im so sorry, loose ends tied, not even flashbacks tho, only flashbacks tho, tags will be updated when i look at this again, thank you for reading, thats it, this came out way too late forgive me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-27
Updated: 2017-04-27
Packaged: 2018-10-24 18:12:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10747098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ouroboric/pseuds/ouroboric
Summary: everyone is afraid of taeyong for no reason. he often wonders why.





	i really should be there (no i shouldn't) ( yes i should)

**Author's Note:**

> are you ready for....
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> (im so sorry. this came out late so feel free to yell at me in the comments<3)

taeyong was at a crossroads. a very difficult decision lay in his path, making him rethink all his feelings he had buried not too long ago. making him feel something he had been trying so hard to not feel; love. it made him doubt himself, but also feel empowered; he was finally gaining control of himself and yet...it was terrifying. it made him want to rip his hair out and scream and cry until his emotions went away. _stupid._ why did he think he could get this relationship right?

 

burying his hands in his hair, taeyong stared at the blank, dark oak bottom of a bed  looming above him.  it was daunting, falling in love. especially after so long, and especially what happened last time. it hurt his head to think of the last relationship he was in. taeyong had been so young, so confused, so pressured to be a _good friend_ that he didn’t think of himself.

 

the whole thing was dizzying, so much that he’d rather not think about it. unfortunately, the mind had a way of making you remember events similar to ones you were experiencing at the moment and it was excruciating.

 

_why was yuta so scared? why was he frightened of me?_

 

_why is everyone i love so afraid of me?_

 

his heart throbbed painfully, making him grab and twist the front of his sweat-stained t-shirt, as if he could rip out his heart with his own bare hands. taeyong would’ve thought he’d be used to a hurting heart by now.

 

he sat up, meaning to distract himself by taking a shower, but instead distracting himself by hitting his head on the above bed, hard. he reeled back, cursing and gingerly feeling his irritant forehead. tears sprung at his eyes but he would not allow himself the release of his pent up emotions, for he didn’t deserve the pleasure as long as yuta was hurting.

he tripped out of his bed, and made his way to the bathroom to get a better look at his forehead. when he moved his hand off of his forehead, blood had begun to stain his fingertips red.

 

taeyong ripped off a piece of toilet paper and folded and placed it on his forehead to stop the bleeding temporarily. he riffled through the cabinet drawers, searching for a band-aid. maybe they had one big enough to fix his heart.

 

once he found one (it was crumpled and looked old and to top it off, the paper was turning yellow, making taeyong feel grosser than he already did) taeyong returned to his room, where jaehyun was making his own bed.

jaehyun looked over to taeyong, taking in his disheveled appearance; red eyes, an equally red forehead with a band-aid and a look of uncertainty along with hurt in his eyes. he furrowed his brows, sensing in his gut that the tears weren’t only because of the wound upon his head.

“what’s wrong, taeyong? and don’t you dare tell me nothing.” he added, not wanting his friend to lie about his state of mind.

 

taeyong gulped and realized jaehyun could see right through his facade.

* * *

 

yuta screwed his eyes shut, a wave of pain racking through his body. he gasped out, a strangling sensation making his body pump out adrenaline at alarming rates. mentally, he added shaking to his list of symptoms that he had started since the first time he had choked out petals.

 

he coughed and out came another wave of petals, only this time blue and red populated the mix. the amount of petals seemed smaller, and yuta inferred it as if the disease was saving up, getting ready for something. yuta had a feeling he knew what would happen next. a gut feeling, if you will.

 

he got up, off of his aching knees and washed out his mouth in the sink. the petals left an aroma in his mouth, making him want to throw up all over again.

* * *

 

“explain yourself.” jaehyun’s quiet voice broke taeyong out of his reverie. floundering for words, taeyong stood there, staring at his friend. he could find no words in his vocabulary to use to voice his situation. so all he did, was cry.

 

luckily, jaehyun had already been informed of what had happened during taeyongs last relationship. he had already been used as a shoulder to cry, so having taeyong cry on him once more wouldn’t hurt. he’d do anything for his friend.

 

rubbing his leader’s back, jaehyun began to try and comfort him.

 

“its yuta. i bet he doesn’t hate you.” at this, taeyong hiccuped, and then stilled, trying to control himself. jaehyun sighed.

 

“he probably just had a nightmare or something freaked him out.” jaehyun nuzzled his nose into taeyong’s hair, hoping to coax the other one to talk, yet knowing that he wouldn’t. “if anything, try talking to him. if he avoids you more than he has, then have me talk to him. he won’t expect me to bring it up, probably.” taeyong looked up into jaehyun’s eyes as he spoke his last words.

 

“you’d do that for me?” it hurt jaehyun to have his best friend doubt his trust, but he knew where taeyong was coming from. in the past, taeyong didn’t have very good friends. they were toxic people; peer pressuring underclassmen into doing stupid things, illegal things, just to get a cheap laugh, and then telling them it was ‘because we’re friends, right?’. because apparently

friends get you into trouble with the law for fun.

* * *

 

yuta stared at the glowing phone screen, mouthing the foreign words fans had left on the forums. some of them were, in fact, in japanese, but at this moment, everything felt foreign to him. he would always get this feeling of being lost after throwing up; he assumed it came from his florally mixed feelings. he felt dizzy especially. it was as if his body was trying to make him pay attention and focus on something, but his vision was blurred and all it really did was hurt.

 

he solemnly put the phone down along with his head. his day had been long and it wasn’t even seven yet. he closed his eyes and felt himself drift off. sleep used to be relaxing, a sweet, sweet escape after an especially hard scold, although now it felt more like a kidnapping.

* * *

 

taeyong arched off his bed, effectively cracking his spine. he was browsing through the fan forums. the comments gave him joy and he really needed it at the moment. switching to his music app, he turned on some old korean song his mom liked a lot. he had really needed her comfort in the past month, and talking to her had given him warmth he had forgotten.

 

he was getting ready to voice crack through a high note when someone did it for him. a scream ricocheted through the small apartment, filling his ears with a voice that sounded like yuta.  

 

taeyong scrambled out of bed, briefly tripping. he caught himself on the wall and stood still for a moment. _would yuta even want to see him?_ adrenaline pumping, he mentally berated himself. yuta was his friend first and if he didn’t want taeyong the way taeyong wanted him, then taeyong would have to deal with it.

 

adage in mind, doubt still clouded his head. he stopped, almost to yuta’s room, and listened to the sound of sobs, echoing through the wooden door. a sharp pain in his chest, his heart clenching in response to the wails, made him realize his eyes had begun to glass over.

 

mock courage building, taeyong opened the door, and what he saw made him want to curl up in a ball and cry. yuta was shaking, surrounded by a multitude of flower petals ranging from reds to deep purples; peonies to irises. he looked pale and his eyes were sunken and dark. he took a hiccupping breath and a couple dozen petals came out.

 

taeyong’s breathing began to become laborious. only when he got it under control could he hear yuta’s whimpering whispers.

 

“ _why, why, why, why, why, why.”_

 

with each word, yuta hammered the nails into the coffin of taeyong’s feelings. _he_ caused this, so why was he just standing around? why was he just staring and sniffling silently at his friends downturned head? why was he here in the first place? _why, why, why, why, why, why._

 

“yu-yuta.” his usually strong voice fizzled out.

  
said boy looked up, spooked. and when taeyong looked into his torn eyes, he fell apart.

**Author's Note:**

> an angsty end?
> 
> ;) (im sorry)
> 
> there will be no alt. ending, no coninuation. this is the ending point. i love you im sorry.
> 
> i might write other stuff envolving these two, but idk man.


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